Lena's Pregnancy Journey

 My Pregnancy Journey

TW-Mentions Miscarriage 

Hi mama’s

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a mom. I remember always pushing baby dolls around in strollers, sometimes even having our pets be our children. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and a stay at home mom, and I couldn’t wait for my chance to be a mom.

When Joe and I married, we had discussed waiting about a year to get pregnant. When that first year was up it took us only a couple of months or so to get pregnant. When I found out I was probably a little over three weeks. I was so excited but so nervous at the same time, we told my parents that next day, and we found a midwife to go too. I called and made an appointment to go visit them in eight weeks, and started eating extremely healthy ( I wouldn't even drink a milkshake) . Leading up to that eight week appointment I was so nervous, and wasn’t feeling so well about the pregnancy. Several times I had noticed spotting, I made sure to track it, but deep down I knew something was wrong and had a feeling I would lose the baby. On November eleventh of two thousand eighteen, my husband and I woke up and went to church on Sunday morning. I remember seeing a heavily pregnant woman in front of us, and thinking wow that is going to be me soon, and for the first time in a couple of days being excited for this pregnancy. At this point I was either six or seven weeks pregnant. Later that afternoon, I had to go to work. On Sundays I would work by myself until pretty late in the evening. About an hour to two into work I started having severe back pain, and went to the bathroom, and realized I was losing the baby. I tried so hard to be strong and not break down while I was at work. I didn’t know what to do, and tried to continue to work knowing I was losing the baby. It got to the point where I knew I needed to get home, so I called my husband to come pick me up. When we got home we just layed in bed and cried together. It was one of the most devastating days of our lives.

After that, we decided to wait awhile before we tried to get pregnant. We wanted to achieve some goals first, which included buying a home and moving closer to where my parents lived so that our future children would have grandparents close by. We achieved those goals about a year later. It took me a while after achieving those goals to want to try to get pregnant again. Once we decided I was thinking it would just take a couple of months. It ended up being longer than I expected. As the months went on, my body changed a lot and I wouldn’t get a menstrual cycle for several months. I honestly didn’t think I was going to get pregnant. I was too scared to go to the doctor, and I started to accept that I might not ever have children.

After a year and a half, I started to throw up in the mornings. My sister kept telling me that she thought I was pregnant. I just kept laughing it off, and sort of thought that my body was just going through something, but also thought that I was also pregnant. I kept dealing with morning sickness. I did think I was pregnant, but I was too scared to take a test. I kept putting off taking a pregnancy test, and thought I wouldn’t deal with the pain as much if I didn’t take a test and did end up losing the pregnancy. After a while I just decided to take a test, I knew that if I was pregnant I was close to having to go see a doctor for my first appointment. I had Joe just go by a dollar tree pregnancy test, and sure enough it was a positive. I told him I didn’t trust the dollar tree test, so he went to a different store and bought another one. It was also positive! I was very unsure of how far along I was, because my body had been so weird. I made an appointment right away to tour a birth center. As we were at the birth center we decided it would be best to get an ultrasound done to know how far along I was. I actually ended up being ten weeks, six days, which was further along than what I had thought. At my next appointment I was able to hear the heartbeat, which was the best sound I have ever heard. It was such a relief to be hearing that heartbeat. I recently had my anatomy scan at a little over twenty one weeks, and we saw our baby on the big screen. We decided a while ago to not find out what the sex is of the baby (we want that to be a surprise when I give birth)! As the weeks have gone by my belly has definitely gotten bigger, and I have been able to see my stomach moving around as the baby moves, which is always so cool to see. I am so happy and so relieved to have such an active and healthy baby! 

As I continue to go through this journey, I can’t wait for you to join me!

Love, Lena